Encouragement Worth Sharing


What Not to Say to a Mom of Multiples
When this article was posted in my twin-mommy group on Facebook, I found myself relating to many of the things on this list.
But on the other hand, I understand why people say to me, "I would just die if I found out I was having twins!" or "Better you than me...having twins would be awful."  I understand, because I used to think the same thing before becoming a mom to multiples, and I probably would have said something similar.  However, times have changed and so has my heart, especially in the moments when a comment like that makes me feel like my children are not a blessing.  Should ANYONE be made to feel like this when it comes to their children?

Here's what used to be going on in my heart when I thought things like, "Having twins would be the worst thing...please, God don't give me twins!!"
1.  I wasn't believing that ALL children are a blessing.
This applies to one child, or children than come in groups of twos or threes.  This applies to blonde children and brunette children.  This applies to healthy children and children with a myriad of disabilities.  If God chooses to make you a mother, even if it's just for a short time, I think we need to believe this is a blessing - no matter what form it takes.
2.  I wasn't trusting God's will for my life.
If God gives me something, it must be for my good...even if it appears difficult on the surface.  This has been true of my twins.  What I thought would have been too much hard work and a curse has brought tremendous blessing and joy to my life.  You never know how God will use a perceived hardship for your good.
3.  I wasn't believing that God's grace is sufficient.
Regardless of what the Lord brings, he promises to give us the grace and strength we need to endure it.  When you imagine having two babies, you can't also imagine the way he will provide for all the challenges that will come.  Nor can you imagine the ways he will strengthen your faith as he provides.

SO - if you are like I was, someone who looks at the prospect of having multiples as something undesirable, I want to encourage you to do 2 things...
1.  If you are talking to a mother of multiples, consider restraining yourself from saying anything that might maker her feel like God has cursed instead of blessed her.  Don't focus the conversation on what you would or wouldn't do in her situation, or how it would make you feel.  Consider telling her that her children look really cute or she is doing a wonderful job handling such a great responsibility.  If you want to ask her about some of the challenges, that's fine.  She will probably enjoy talking about motherhood with her sweet littles, and might even share some of her burdens.  But please don't make her burdens greater by telling her that it would be horrible to have what she has.
2.  Examine your heart attitude towards children and God's plan for your life.  Do you trust that however children come, it will be a blessing?  Do you trust that God can sustain you regardless of your circumstances?  If you can believe those things, there will be no need to dread having multiples.

Thanks for enduring this mini-post within a post :-).
I don't mean to make anyone feel bad for saying these things to me and I assure you, I'm not bitter about it or dwelling on it.  However, I do want to be a safe voice to help you re-consider your heart attitude and words before saying something similar to another mom of multiples.  I think it's fine to marvel and be curious about the special challenges that moms of multiples face, and it's OK to acknowledge those things and ask about them.  It's just not very loving or courteous to tell someone you're glad you didn't get their lot in life.

...and if you still find yourself lost for words, try this list of the Top 5 Things to Say to Moms of Multiples

...And for anyone who missed it, my brother was recently featured in two news articles because he was selected to be the torch bearer for the Iowa Special Olympics.  This was a great honor given to a very deserving athlete, and I've enjoyed being the proud sister watching from the sidelines!!
Torch Bearer:  Ames man to carry torch into Special Olympics


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